Then I sat on our couch with my husband last night and just cried. I knew from my tense jaw and throbbing head that there was so much more going on under the surface but I couldn’t articulate it, so he told me to just start writing.
“Why can’t they just stay away from these doors I’m painting like I told them to?” You know, those MAIN doors in the CENTER of our house that lead to EVERYTHING.” I just don’t understand why they can’t just leave them alone?!? I have a deadline and I need to get this project done so that I can clean everything, take pictures, edit pictures and pull my post together for the Spring Parade of Homes!”
I wanted to inspire others by encouraging them that you really can be content…have a budget, go at a slow pace of making changes to your home, and have time to invest into your family and others.
My standards for blogging started to raise and somewhere in there I decided that I needed to “grow my blog”. After all, if I am taking time to write and post helpful ideas the more people that see them the better, right? I need to do A, B & C to make this baby grow. If only I had “this” many facebook followers then I would be viewed as a success…if only I had “this” many page views then a brand will want to work with me.
Never mind the fact that I don’t have time to work with brands right now…it would still make me feel successful.
Ten hours a week was quickly becoming 15 and then 20. The time I was spending on projects and blogging was quickly adding up and something had to give. For the past two weeks the thing that gave was meal planning: “Honey, would you mind picking up some pizza tonight? Yes…again.”
I always thought that once all of our kids were in school it would be a dream job to blog full-time. To me that didn’t mean that I would necessarily post more projects (coming back to inspiring a slow pace and being content) but it did mean that I would have time to respond to emails, connect with other bloggers, get quality content out there and learn more about the industry.
Kind of like what I am doing right now…
Wait a minute…
And that is where I have always been torn.
I’m not a full-time blogger because I don’t have time to be one at this stage of life, not to mention that my measure of success was totally off.
I am currently living out my dream job…being a mom. A job that for many long years I thought might forever be just that…a dream. No dream job is ever perfect. Sure, I don’t get paid for being a mom but I remind myself that I’m worth a small fortune compared to what it would cost to pay for childcare for all of these kiddos!
As a mom I can’t measure my success in the short term. I have to invest my life for the long term.
However, as a blogger I thought that I could measure success right now. “If I just have 500 facebook likes then I’ll be a success”… Ok, “what I really meant to say was, if I just had 2000 facebook likes then I’ll be a success.”…”Ok, what I really meant was…”
You see, no number is ever going to be enough nor any amount of time for that matter.
I can honestly say that I have found that God is the only thing in my life that has ever been enough.
So as I try to put words to the confusion in my heart I can only say, yes. Yes, there is something in my heart that wants others to discover An Inviting Home if it means that they find a place that is encouraging, helpful, and offers something more than just another idea that they saw on Pinterest. Yet no new project I do will ever be enough, or ever satisfy…no recognition or compliment or high five will ever be enough because, until we find our satisfaction in God, there will always be something missing…something more we could do, something more we could achieve. So, satisfaction and recognition can’t be the reasons why I write. I am choosing to find those things in God first.
So I’m going to bring it back to the basics…I’m cutting back the hours that I spend on the blog (you might not even notice the difference since a lot of things are behind the scenes) and I am going to use the time that I do have to invest into my full-time job and into my part-time blog to the best of my ability. Whether I talk about laundry, chalkboard walls or kids around the world, I want every word I say, thing I write, picture I post to glorify God.
That is enough.
Want to stay connected? Check out these great ways!