I’m tired. We’ve had a full weekend with a child’s birthday, super bowl Sunday, and honestly I can’t really remember what I did two days ago unless I open up my Google Calendar and check. I composed this “how to” over the weekend. I have been staying up way too late. My husband and I are helping to plan some things for a marriage retreat this coming weekend. We’ve also, as of last week, completely rearranged our schedule so that we can spend more time with our older kids before and after school. Instead of having them ride the bus, we are now driving them (they were the first and last stop on the bus and that is just down right depressing for a 7 & 8 year old wasting away valuable life on an hour bus ride each way!) I’ve been keeping up with my blogging goals and posting schedule, until today where I am totally writing what lies below instead of working on the parenting post that I had scheduled to write.
This past week has been a bit crazy when it comes to this blog. I use to have a little ol’ family blog that I updated for 4.5 YEARS to keep our family in the loop. In the entire time that I blogged on that site I had a total of 19,208 page views and 703 posts. In just 10 WEEKS of launching this blog there have been a total of 18,216 page views and 64 posts. Oh no, I’m not bragging…that is just a few minutes worth of page views on some blogs. I realize that what I was doing then and what I am doing now with this blog is like comparing apples to oranges, but really…it is all I have to gauge things by.
The Reality (as I like to say) is that this thing feels so much bigger than me that I want to say, “I’m not capable, I don’t know what I’m doing!” but then my passion (and this heavy weight on my heart) says, “God used you broken before why not continue the theme?” I’ve had a year to contemplate everything that has happened in our adoption story and even so when I stop to think for even just one second about our story the tears just start flowing. There is no doubt in my mind how ABSOLUTELY AMAZING GOD IS and how insignificant I am! My husband and I both graduated from a Bible college. We joke about, if we were really in the same classes, because Sam remembers all of it and I just remember where I sat and how my college dorm was decorated. What I haven’t forgotten are those crazy stories in the Bible when you think, wow…if something like that happened today then surely people would believe that there is a God. Would you mind reading this?
Why do I say all of this…because those insecurities of writing a blog that can potentially touch so many lives are definitely creaping up on me. I am totally one of those newbie bloggers that needs to read all of those “how to’s” on how to get your DSLR camera out of “auto” and start using it for real! And yet, I just want to say that I’m tired and I know that my pictures need help and I would rather chose to sleep instead of staying up late to read those helpful posts.
I still haven’t figured out what to do about the fact that when people leave comments and I reply back to them they don’t receive notifications of my replies. I’m sure by the week end this will be fixed but it has been a pretty big deal to me. Because when people comment to tell me about the miscarriage that they just experienced (I CRY E.V.E.R.Y. TIME) or the fact that they want to learn more about adoption or that they can’t wait to try one of the parenting tips that I wrote (I’m already working on a future post entitled “Why I’m Certain You Could Throw All Of My Parenting Tips Out The Window And Just Do This One Thing…”) I want to reply back but sometimes there is just no way to communicate. I realize that it is all a balance of figuring things out one step at a time. I came across this fun blog tonight and really appreciated this post, that is what kind of stirred this up for me.
I guess I’ve just decided to post the “stirred up” stuff when I feel it is necessary in place of the normally scheduled posts. After all, this is real life and I’m learning to take things in stride and continue growing through it. I’m not much for pretending to be anything I’m not so thanks for following along day by day as I grow through sharing this blog experience with you. It is bound to be interesting… And I hoping that you can see past a broken, at times insecure blogger and just see a glimpse of how great God really is.